I like how my page is basically just pictures of myself.

But, it’s because I still don’t understand how to work tumblr.

Because I’m stupid apparently.

So, I’m going to try and write more often (especially since things have drastically changed since the last time that I wrote anything).

Man… I feel like I would be such a good writer if I had an attention span longer than that of my cat.

I got a new camera finally (hooray!), so i’ll have some new pictures up soon. also, another entry because i’ve been dealing with some pretty heavy stuff. but that’ll be for later. 

Have you ever heard of one of those moments,

Where your heart drops into your stomach and you can’t hear anything? You’re literally stunned? Yeah, I never thought that going deaf from an emotion was possible. 

Until about ten seconds ago. My stomach hurts, I’m getting chills, and all because I saw one tiny, minuscule detail in a picture. I hate that I do this to myself. Ugh.

But anyways, here’s the situation:

There’s person A and person B. Person A, I don’t talk to very much. There was some drama there but, honestly, I’m not over you. Then there’s person B. Person B is new and exciting and different.  I’m crazy about the both of them, but, I can’t do anything about person B because I’m still hung up on A. 

And it wouldn’t matter if I did finally make a decision, because I’m pretty sure neither of them know how I feel. So when I think about telling person A everything, I imagine disappointment on my part because they’ve already moved on probably. And person B has no idea whatsoever that I like them. And if I said anything it could completely backfire. 

But now, after seeing that picture, I’m thinking that person A might be feeling the same way about me that I am about them. That detail is so important to me and all I can do is analyze it (but in all actuality it’s probably nothing and that detail means nothing at all to you anymore). 

I’m torn between two things I probably will never have. 

And I’m still having trouble hearing.

I honestly meant it when I posted that title.

And my url I guess but in all fairness that isn’t very fair of them to make you think of something right on the spot like that. I didn’t want to say, like, “my online ramblings” because 1. that’s lame and 2. i’m not sure if I want people that I know to read this. I don’t even know how tumblr works, but all I wanted was somewhere that I could write out what I want to say and have people tell me that I’m going to be ok. Like a journal that talks back to you and gives you helpful advice… or a mug of cocoa or something. 

I doubt anyone will even read this, really. And now that I keep typing and typing I’m starting to regret this because I don’t even know how tumblr works, can people even comment on my posts? That’s probably a stupid question, but I still don’t know the answer. God… I’m so self-conscious. Here I am worrying about people that know me stumbling onto my page and reading about themselves, when, in all actuality, I could just stop typing and delete this whole thing. But no, I’m continuing with the word ooze and I can’t stop because I want to talk about my life and be funny and entertaining and be just like Allie Brosh. Because I love her. 

Damn my love for her.